Tag Archive for: gratitude

Exploring Generosity

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“Paradoxically but wonderfully, focusing on someone else’s happiness will actually make you happier.” — A.J. Jaobs

 

What does a generous life look like?

How generous could I be if I really set my mind to it?

How much is enough?

 

I’ve spent the last year exploring these questions – both in my own life and in others’ lives – and making some intentional efforts to be more generous with my resources: time, energy, knowledge, and money. Early in 2018 I was gifted with several amazing acts of generosity, and it was life-changing. I guess I wanted to do what I could to pass it on.

 

I have had the great gift of having some mentors in my life whose generosity stuns me sometimes: my dad (and my mom when she was still alive), some dear close friends, also some clients. To see them share their abundance with others – whether that abundance shows up in the form of money, time, mentorship, or energy – has been nothing short of inspirational. They got me wondering, “What would it feel like to be able to give like that?” And also, “What kind of ripple effect could I make in the world if I dug deeper and shared more?” I decided I would practice the art of generosity on my own scale beginning immediately.

 

When I set the intention to be more generous, I wasn’t sure what it would look like. My husband and I can certainly support ourselves, but we also aren’t dripping in wealth (at least by U.S. standards). It does help that we’re both happy living pretty simply. We forgo luxuries like cable, and my hubby is one of the 5% of Americans who still doesn’t have a cell phone and thus avoids that nasty bill. We also avoid buying junk that has a high likelihood of ending up in a landfill anytime soon. All of that said, once we’d met our savings goal I wasn’t sure how much “extra” there would be to give away. Would I be willing to give away what didn’t feel like “extra?” I also wasn’t sure how much time and energy I was willing to give away since I take great pains not to overbook myself.

 

I was, however, committed to exploring what was possible.

 

Here’s what I learned on my exploration into generosity:

 

  1. I had more money to give than I thought I would. This was a fun realization. It helped that I sort of made it into a game. My brain started reframing potential purchases in terms of, “I could buy that adorable pair of boyfriend jeans, or I could save that $89 for part of the next donation to _______.” Framing it that way, the answer always became clear quickly. After all, however adorable they were, I don’t really need another pair of jeans. Do you? Get this: before I knew it, I had $500 ready to donate to a favorite charity simply because I stopped myself from buying about five new pieces of clothes. That felt both significant and easy. I was able to do this several times throughout the year, and I enjoyed seeing it add up.
  2. Time is as valuable as money. We hear it all the time, but I’m not sure we truly value time as money’s equal. Here’s the truth: We are all going to die, which means time is perhaps our most finite resource. To give our time away in the form of volunteering or mentoring others means we’re giving that person or organization part of our life. Wow. Talk about generous. I decided I could easily give away 2-4 hours of my time every month without feeling overbooked. That adds up to 24-48 hours over the course of a year.
  3. It’s impossible to be generous without being in a place of gratitude. Have you ever noticed how stingy people tend to complain more and not seem particularly grateful for what they have? Yes, that’s a gross generalization, but we’ve all known people who stink of that familiar and toxic attitude of, “I don’t have enough so I’m not going to share.” Generosity simply cannot exist without gratitude. This got me thinking that the first step to being generous is most likely practicing gratitude (which has also been shown over and over to be awesome for our health).
  4. Small gestures make a big impact. Being generous doesn’t have to bankrupt you. Sending a spontaneous greeting card, giving a tiny gift, even giving someone a used book you’ve already read but know they’ll enjoy: these small actions make a difference. People feel loved when you think of them.
  5. Giving people “the benefit of the doubt” is another form of generosity. Exploring this angle of generosity was profound: how can I be more generous in my attitudes and assumptions? At one time or another most of us have probably heard the sage advice telling us to assume others are always doing the best they can in any given moment. That can be a hard practice, but I found that I saved myself from some useless ruminating when I decided to simply give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Examples:
    1. When a friend said something I found to be hurtful, I assumed she didn’t mean it and let it go. It was out of character for her. Heck, we all say things we don’t mean sometimes.
    2. When someone I was counting on professionally didn’t follow through on a deadline – screwing up my schedule big-time – I listened patiently and believed her reasons for not being able to deliver on schedule. She’s trustworthy and has a lot on her plate. End of story.

 

In fact, there are a million small acts we can do as we move through life that I now consider generous: Allowing a car the space to merge in front of us easily (even if it’s not technically their turn), giving an extra pair of mittens to the homeless person standing on the corner, inviting a friend over for a delicious, home-cooked meal, babysitting a relative’s kids, even just offering someone who’s going through a tough time a friendly, non-judgmental ear.

 

Beware: once you start, it’s a bit catching.

 

Over the course of the year I also stretched the limits of my comfort zone and invited other people in my life opportunities to be generous, whether that meant donating their skills, products, or money to a cause, joining me at a benefit, or just straight up asking for something. It was all very low pressure, but it was still uncomfortable. It’s hard for me to ask people for things. Some people took me up on the invitation, others didn’t. It’s all okay. The ripple effect is rippling-on.

 

Since Thanksgiving is a time when many of us are inclined to count our blessings and share what we’re grateful for, I thought this seemed like the right time to share a bit about my journey with generosity, which is still in its infancy. I look forward to seeing where it takes me in the coming years when I’m able to drop my training wheels.

 

This post is dedicated to Dad, Alice, Catherine, and Mary. xoxo.

Let Today Be New – How to Seamlessly Build New Habits

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Last week I posted a beautiful image and invitation on my Facebook page from an artist who sends out a simple, reflective message or affirmation each week. Her business is called The Studio Project, and this one said:

“Let today be new.”

 

While I usually like her messages, I was especially smitten by this one – how friendly, open, and optimistic it feels: Let today be new.

Some of you might read that statement and think, “Duh. That’s obvious. Every day IS new.”

 

And that’s true. Every day is its very own blank slate, and many of us probably feel (or perhaps the more accurate word is “assume?”) that we treat each day like the opportunity it is. But is that really true?

 

The person you are today is the sum total of your life experiences, traumas, relationships, stories, and beliefs about yourself and your capabilities, and this sum total can prove to be a major roadblock to truly letting each day be new (unless we have a whole lot of awareness). We’ve all experienced this phenomenon; even when we desperately want to veer off the beaten path and make a change, familiar patterns and habits we’ve built up over a lifetime magically show up and thwart our efforts to do things differently. It can be maddening.

 

It’s hard to believe we’re creeping into the end of January already. Many of us might be taking stock of how we did on any promises or intentions to “turn over a new leaf” come January 1. I’ve noticed that the practice of making formal New Year’s Resolutions has faded a bit in recent years, and I think that’s a good thing. Old school resolutions usually required us to set our sights crazy high and reinvent ourselves in ways that were drastic. This approach sets most people up for failure and then swimming in the guilt of having failed again. That’s when that familiar creepy voice settles in and taunts us with nasty story lines like, “See? Who do you think you are for trying that? You knew you wouldn’t be able to pull it off, didn’t you?” Yeah, that isn’t very helpful.

 

Making change happen can be tricky business, and since I’m in the business of helping my clients (and myself!) make changes in their lives, it’s a topic that fascinates me.

 

A few years ago I wrote an article about the principle of Kaizen after reading a book by that title that a client so generously gave me. I think it’s worth posting bits of it here again since we’re talking about habits.

 

Kaizen: The definition of this Japanese word can be summed up with the well-known saying by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.”

 

In other words, kaizen is about taking small steps for continual improvement.

 

Kaizen is relevant to anyone wanting to change something in his or her life, whether that change involves one’s health, relationships, attitude, or skills. Unlike dramatic change, which involves taking a jumbo leap to achieve massive results quickly, kaizen is a warm, generous, and subtle approach to change, giving the change-maker permission to take steps so small that, frankly, there are times we feel we are doing nothing at all.

 

It turns out that our chances of success are greatest when the steps are smallest.

 

In order for this to make sense, the author of Kaizen spends a significant amount of time explaining the brain and our body’s fight-or-flight response. A quick recap of the fascinating science he presents goes like this: all change – even positive change – is scary at some level. The fear of change is rooted in the brain’s physiology, and this is why most people fail when they strive for goals that are too radical. We heighten the brain’s fear response, triggering a primitive part of the brain called the amygdala, which is responsible for controlling the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight response is a life-saving response that shuts down rational thinking (among other functions) and sends the body directly into action. Make no mistake, the fight-or-flight response has immense value, but it can also be troublesome, setting off alarm bells unnecessarily when we want to depart from our usual, safe routines. This can prevent creativity, change, and success from unfolding, making us feel stuck and weak.

 

The stealth solutions of kaizen allow your brain to tiptoe past the alarm bells, wandering around the fear toward small, achievable goals. To be clear, when we refer to really small steps, we’re talking about steps that can feel trivial, like:

 

  • flossing a single tooth each night
  • putting a single new food on your grocery list each week
  • going to bed 5 minutes earlier than the night before
  • marching in front of the TV for 30 second intervals during commercial breaks
  • complimenting one’s spouse each week
  • cleaning one piece of paper off of a cluttered desk or one file out of an overflowing file cabinet

 

These are all examples of small steps that will add up to continual improvement. Make no mistake about it, all of these steps add up.

 

Just think: if you put a single new food on your grocery list each week, at the end of the year you will have tried 52 new foods.

 

If you worked out only 15 minutes a day, at the end of the month you’ll have spent 7 hours moving your body. That’s significant!

 

If you usually drink 3 cups of coffee (or soda, or booze) a day and you cut back to 2, that’s 365 fewer drinks you will have consumed by the end of the year. Wow.

 

Since my very first day as a health coach I’ve been encouraging my clients to embrace the philosophy, “Small steps build lasting change,” though back then I didn’t fully understand the science behind the brain’s fear of change. I learned this approach in nutrition school. We used the analogy that building health is like climbing a ladder. If you are committed to climbing the ladder one rung at a time, you will steadily make progress. If you try skipping rungs or taking too many at once, there’s a greater likelihood you will slip and fall. When the change is too big to sustain, even people with admirable levels of discipline and willpower lose enthusiasm, peter out, and “fail.” This failure can be devastating, and the motivation to begin again is lost.

 

Which brings to mind another powerful statement from an expert in change-making:

 

“Habit formation hinges on your ability to bounce back.” – James Clear

 

In other words, it’s not missing a single workout that screws up your goals, it’s never getting back on track.

 

So here are my three quick tips for building habits that last:

 

  1. Start with steps as small as you need them to be, knowing small steps have a cumulative impact.
  2. Schedule habits into your life; don’t wait for them to magically happen.
  3. Shift your focus from what you feel is hard to what is possible. I heard someone say once that his/her go-to mantra is, “I can work with this.” This stuck with me. You might also try framing it as a question, “How can I work with this?” to get your creative juices flowing and create an attitude of openness and receptivity.

 

Good habits are built gradually. Start slow; get better along the way. Progress is a spectrum, so let yourself dance along that spectrum at your own pace. Let today be new.

 

In love & service,

Claudine

 

P.S. This accompanying image of a sunrise is from a lovely trip to the Outer Banks in September 2016 with my family.

Travel-Friendly Snacks

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It’s that time of year, when a whole lot of us living in northern latitudes plan delightful escapes from our snowy, gray landscapes and jet off to recharge our spirits – and vitamin D levels – with sun, palm trees, beaches, and the salty, meditative ocean.

 

Over the last few weeks three different clients heading off to enviable havens have asked me for healthy travel snack ideas. I felt so uplifted and energized by these conversations! Making healthy choices while navigating airports, sitting on airplanes, and without access to our well-stocked pantries and fridges requires a little creativity. But if you’re willing to take on the challenge, it sure as heck demonstrates that choosing quality food has become a non-negotiable part of your life – not just a whimsical choice you make when it’s convenient. And that makes me smile.

 

Eating healthy while traveling doesn’t have to be super difficult if you intentionally plan ahead. It’s kind of amazing; once you’re committed to feeding yourself well, eating crap while traveling doesn’t even feel like an option anymore.

 

(In the end, our success always comes down to planning, doesn’t it?)

 

Here in Minneapolis, we’re lucky to have some fantastic dining options at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport. If I’m leaving from the MSP airport, it’s not unusual for me to stop at French Meadow Bakery and pick up a salad and a probiotic-rich kombucha for my flight (just be careful opening that naturally carbonated kombucha on the plane or your seat mates might unexpectedly get treated to some kombucha too! Ka-pow!). Other airports around the world don’t always have the healthful dining options we’re lucky to have, but I’ve learned that finding a salad or fruit elsewhere is pretty doable. True, it might not be organic, but I encourage you to do the best you can and try to just relax when it’s not exactly what you’d prefer.

 

Additionally, I want to emphasize that I never leave for a trip without snacks. Never. In fact, I probably spend as much time thinking about and preparing my snacks as I do the clothes I’m packing. No exaggeration. Being hungry on a plane is as miserable as the snack packs they offer.

 

Below is a list of the healthy snackables I often pack. I usually choose 3-5, depending on how long the trip is:

Travel-Friendly Snacks

– apple slices or clementines that peel easily
– sliced veggies like red pepper or cucumber slices (usually 1 cucumber and 1 red pepper is plenty); these travel well and have the added bonus of being hydrating
– nuts and seeds, or a favorite trail mix
– plantain chips (I am always so proud and happy with myself when I’ve taken the time to make these for a trip; I can hardly wait to dig into them)
– Keen-wah Decadence bars: one of the best “protein bars” I’ve found
– a peeled hard boiled egg or an organic turkey stick for longer trips where I anticipate wanting/needing protein
– Laughing Giraffe truffles for something sweet yet sustaining, or some dark chocolate
– ginger tea bags, just in case there’s turbulence and I start to feel woozy

 

Of course I avoid soda, so I also bring my refillable water bottle to ensure I stay hydrated. And remember that if you’re traveling to another country, they can get fussy about what they’ll allow you to bring into their country. Don’t pack too much, or you might have to toss your delicious treats into the trash. That feels awful.

 

What kind of food do you pack when you travel? I’ve got a couple of long plane trips coming up in the next six weeks, and I’d love more ideas myself. If you feel like sharing in the comments section below or on my Facebook page, I’d sure appreciate it. After all, us adventurers need to help each other!

 

In love & service,

Claudine

Surviving the Holidays, Calm and Intact

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Dear Lovely Health Warrior,

I have a special treat for you this month! No, sorry, I won’t be hand-delivering chocolate bon-bons to each of you (although I did post a lovely sweet recipe next door to this blog post in case you have a hankering for something sweet). No, my treat for you is WAY better – it’s a distilled, practical, easy-to-follow, guest blog post from my dear friend Catherine Carpenter, transformational coach and meditation instructor, about how to survive the holiday season (and life beyond the holidays) with your nerves and sanity intact.

It’s good stuff, and I’m so excited to share it with you.

For the record, Catherine and I have been friends for 20 years, and she actually married my husband and me! For anyone who wants to get started with meditation or deepen her practice, Catherine is your woman (check out her upcoming meditation series beginning in January).

Enjoy!

Surviving the Holidays, Calm & Intact, by Dr. Catherine Carpenter

Even if you are not a consistent meditator there are small things you can do that will destress you and bring more calm and even joy into your life, both during the holiday season and beyond.

It seems the people we love the most are often the ones who can trigger us the easiest. How coincidental that we tend to spend more time with these people during the holiday season? And if the busyness of holiday social events weren’t enough, most of us are also working, buying gifts for the people on our list, preparing the food we’re responsible for, traveling, and oh! Did I mention it is also the time of year with the least amount of daylight? So we’re also tired and often pushed to our limits. It’s no wonder the holidays are filled with opportunities to stress out.

Breathe & Center Yourself
When you feel the stress beginning to mount, take a time out to breathe and center yourself. Find 5-10 minutes to sit quietly. Start with three soft belly breaths. The easiest way to breathe is to say to yourself, “soft” on the in-breath and “belly” on the out-breath. You should feel yourself expanding horizontally on the in-breath and contracting in your lower abs (bringing them in towards your spinal column) as you breath out. Go ahead, close your eyes and try this, nice and slow, three times, right now. I’ll wait. Taking a moment to do three, slow breaths brings you back to your center and calms you. Try this several times a day to stay centered.

Tune into the Felt Sensation of the Breath, Emotions, Thoughts, & Images
If you are ready for a little advanced practice, try tuning into the felt sensation of the breath, the emotion, the thoughts, and images. This is the way we liberate ourselves from our thoughts and feelings. Track the felt sensation — the quality, where it is in your body, and the strength. Just observe as it flows, changes, and then recedes. Notice how the emotions rise and fall like a wave. Similar to the breath, there is expansion and contraction. Ride the wave, neither suppressing it nor fanning it with your thoughts — just sit with it as it rises and falls.

Practice Gratitude
Embrace the beauty of this season with gratitude. Offering gratitude starts an inner conversation of thanks and devotion for the good things in life. On the other side is the response, bringing you more good things to be grateful for. Look around you and notice things anew: The way the light reflects more magically, softly, almost mystically than other times of the year. A snowflake…a dried leaf…the shapes of trees reaching towards the light in all their glory. Notice and give gratitude—right now—for this gift of breath in this very moment.

I love this small gratitude practice by Deepak Chopra. Have in mind three things to be grateful for — people, events, or nature:

Visualize the first thing you are grateful for. You can say the words, thank you, if you feel comfortable starting that way but the real key is feeling. Let the gratitude come from your heart — it’s a warm gentle sensation that brings a smile. Now, imagine that what you are grateful for (person, moment, nature) is aware of your thanks. See it smiling back at you, shimmering with the same warm feeling. Thanks has been received and welcomed.

After a moment go to the second thing and give thanks for it and see it receive your thanks — then do the same with the third thing you are grateful for. You have successfully started the flow of grace. When it is alive and flowing it works like a feedback loop.

This is the goal: we become our meditation — peacefully, loving, in present moment awareness.

In love & service,
Catherine (& Claudine)

Catherine Carpenter, D.Min. is a coach and meditation instructor. She is offering a six week class beginning January 11, 2018 and also facilitates a once a week Drop In Meditation. For more information see www.catherinecarpenter.com.