Tag Archive for: habits

Habits: The Secret to Everything

“All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits,” William James wrote in 1892.

My husband thinks I’m obsessed with self-development. I think the word “obsessed” is a bit strong, but I’ll admit I’m fascinated with all things related to human behavior: why we do the things we do, why we don’t do other things (even when we know dang well they’re “good” for us), and what it takes to develop habits that will drive us toward excellence – or even just contentment. How are some people able to magically harness time and practices that help them consistently achieve their goals and dreams, whereas other people struggle to establish basic habits like picking up after themselves?

My bookshelves are filled with the likes of Brene Brown, Debbie Ford, and Stephen Covey, authors who dive into the mysterious workings of human beings. As a health coach I’m essentially in the business of change-making, so learning what makes us tick and how to foster growth is obviously relevant to my work, but beyond that I simply love exploring the topic of self-development for myself. I want to keep learning and improving.

Recently I took a mini road trip to St. Peter, a little town about an hour south of me, and while driving I was lucky enough to catch a panel of doctors, personal trainers, and psychologists on NPR discussing the latest exercise recommendations released by the Department of Health and Human Services the day before: (For those of you who are curious – 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity a week and strength training twice a week.)

The conversation quickly moved from the recommendations themselves to dissecting the mystery around why more Americans don’t exercise. The majority of Americans don’t come anywhere close to meeting those modest recommendations even though everyone knows by now that exercise is important for our health. So why don’t we do it? Once we wade through all of the earnest excuses people offer (with the valid exceptions of injuries and other physical limitations), the only real and true answer left is that most people haven’t built the habit of exercising. At this point in the conversation one of the physicians referred to an “outstanding” book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I ordered the book that afternoon and dug into it as soon as it arrived.

Here are some direct, intriguing excerpts I couldn’t wait to share with you:

“Habits are technically defined as ‘the choices that all of us deliberately make at some point, and then stop thinking about but continue doing, often every day.’ At one point, we all consciously decided how much to eat and what to focus on when we got to the office and how often to have a drink or when to go for a jog. Then we stopped making a choice, and the behavior became automatic. It’s a natural consequence of our neurology. And by understanding how it happens, you can rebuild those patterns in whichever way you choose.

Most of the choices we make each day may feel like the products of well-considered decision making, but they’re not. They’re habits. And though each habit means relatively little on its own, over time, the meals we order, what we say to our kids each night, whether we save or spend, how often we exercise, and the way we organize our thoughts and work routines have enormous impacts on our health, productivity, financial security, and happiness. One paper published by a Duke University researcher in 2006 found that more than 40% of the actions people performed each day weren’t actual decision, but habits.

The habit process within our brains – or the “habit loop “ as it’s commonly referred to – is a three-step process. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future. Over time, this loop – cue, routine, reward; cue, routine reward – becomes more and more automatic. The cue and reward become intertwined until a powerful sense of anticipation and craving emerges. Eventually, a habit is born.”

The reason the discovery of the habit loop is so important is that it reveals a basic truth: When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit – unless you find new routines, the pattern will unfold automatically.”

Aha! That last paragraph you just read was illuminating for me. “The brain stops fully participating in decision making. So unless you deliberately fight a habit, the pattern will unfold automatically.” The author goes on to explain how necessary and beneficial habit loops are to us – without them our brains would shut down, overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life. I had never thought about habits through this lens before. I realized this is probably why most human beings thrive on structure (it saves brain power). It’s why I usually take the same routes home, and it’s why I get ready for bed in the same order each night (brush my teeth, then wash my face, etc.). But it’s also why I automatically reach for that square of dark chocolate at the end of my meal even when I’m full, and why I start singing the same song every evening when I walk into my kitchen. I’m also pretty sure it’s why traveling wears me out even though I love it; everything is new so I can’t rely on most of my daily habits while traveling. My brain has to be more engaged than usual.

It’s important to note that according to the author and his research, habits cannot simply be eradicated; they must be changed or replaced. But simply understanding how habits work – learning the structure of the habit loop – makes them easier to control and rewire. Once you break a habit into its components – cue, routine, reward – you can “fiddle with the gears.” If we keep the same cue and the same reward, a new routine can be inserted. It also helps significantly if we find some support from others along the way. Duhigg writes:

“The evidence is clear: If you want to change a habit, you must find an alternative routine, and your odds of success go up dramatically when you commit to changing as part of a group. Belief is essential, and it grows out of a communal experience, even if that community is only as large as two people.”

Here’s an example of a habit I’m working on changing in my own life. Recently I’ve committed to reducing the time I spend zoning out on social media (and also the time spent on my phone, in general). When I started examining this very non-productive habit, I realized I don’t think twice about Facebook or Instagram during the day when I feel purposeful and productive. It’s only at night, when I’m all sleepy and tucked into bed, that the temptation to pull up one of these mind-numbing apps creeps in on me:

Cue: tucking into bed

Routine: zone out on Facebook

Reward: relaxation; little dopamine hits

So my job was to brainstorm ways I could tweak my routine to achieve the same reward (relaxation, dopamine hits). I zeroed in on reading, one of my primary loves, or doing a crossword puzzle, which I also find relaxing and satisfying. Lastly, I reminded myself that I could just turn out the lights and go to sleep (revolutionary idea, I know). After all, the only reason I was defaulting to Facebook was because I was tired.

To increase my chances of succeeding, I check in with my friend Maggie and let her know how it’s going. If I’m even tempted to go there, I text her and share what’s happening. Magically, this alone usually stops the old habit, but if it doesn’t I simply come clean and tell her I fell into my old pattern.

Exercise: Take a minute now to consider something in your life you’d like to either quit or establish. Review the cue, routine, reward loop and brainstorm some ways you could tweak the routine piece.

I’ll conclude this section with this comment from Duhigg about weight, something many people struggle with:

“If you want to lose weight, study your habits to determine why you really leave your desk for a snack each day, and then find someone else to take a walk with you, to gossip with at their desk rather than in the cafeteria, a group that tracks weight-loss goals together, or someone who also wants to keep a stock of apples, rather than chips, nearby.”

All great ideas, and notice how they’re all rather simple ideas too.

Keystone Habits

Once the book establishes the basics around habits, Duhigg dives into the notion of “keystone habits,” or habits I’ve come to think of as “ripple effect” habits. These habits have the power to start a chain reaction, changing other habits as they move through your life, like dominoes lined up just right. He writes, “Keystone habits, in other words, matter more than others in re-making lives (and businesses and organizations). They can influence how people work, eat, play, live, spend, and communicate. Keystone habits start a process that, over time, transforms everything.”

“Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers. Where should a would-be habit master start? Understanding keystone habits holds the answer to that question: The habits that matter most are the ones that, when they start to shift, dislodge and remake other patterns.

I find idea this reassuring and intriguing and congruent with what I already know to be true. Trying to make a 180 degree shift in our lives – or what I call the “all or nothing approach” to change – rarely works. It simply demands too much of most of us. We might be able to stick with the radical changes for a few weeks, but then we cave, revert to old habits, and end up feeling badly about ourselves. But finding one key thing to tackle – that’s a game changer. I’ve seen the positive cascade it creates time and time again. Duhigg writes. “If you start by focusing on one thing, chances are it will be enough of a disruption to your life to initiate change throughout the rest of your life.”

This got me wondering what my own keystone habits are, so I spent a couple weeks observing myself and trying to identify which habits I rely on to help everything else fall into place. Here’s a sample of what I’ve come up with:

 

Making the Bed:

I can’t quite explain it, but if I make our bed in the morning (which I do 95% of the time) the rest of our home stays tidy throughout the day. If I don’t make the bed for some reason, our home gets messy: clothes don’t get hung up, my make-up stays littered across the vanity, dishes don’t get done. It’s weird, but it’s consistent so I trust the pattern now even if I don’t understand it.

Batch Cooking on the Weekend:

Batch cooking on the weekend completely changed my life. I urge all of my clients to try batch cooking on the weekend so that delicious, nutritious, grab-and-go food is ready and available throughout the week. With a fridge full of prepared food, my husband and I easily pack our lunches for the day and then come home and eat dinner with no fussing, decision-making, or cooking needed. We never get stuck ordering take-out or settling for last-minute, sub-par food. We just come home from our busy days and eat. We also save a lot of money by eating food we made ourselves.

Go to Bed by 10pm:

There are exceptions to this, of course, but 90% of the time I go to bed by 10pm so I wake up rested and energized. When I’m rested I’m productive, I’m in a good mood, I’m a better coach to my clients, I’m more likely to workout and workout harder, etc. Talk about a positive ripple effect.

Make my “Next Day” List Before I Go To Bed:

I love lists. My hubby teases me about my love of lists, but making a list of everything I want or need to do the following day before I go to bed does two things for me:

  1. Knowing I’ve captured my to-do’s on paper allows my brain to relax before bed, which helps me sleep better. I call this my brain dump.
  2. It helps me jump into action right away the next morning because I know exactly what I need to do and where I need to start. This helps me be productive immediately when I’m most energized.

Are your keystone habits anything like mine?

The New Year is a time when many people set goals or simply give themselves permission to start fresh. This year I wonder what might shift for you if you spent a little time identifying your keystone habits and focusing on a single keystone habit you think could create a positive chain reaction in your life. Then what might happen if you stayed committed to developing that one keystone habit until it actually became a real habit, knowing it’s a process that will take time. Transforming habits isn’t easy or quick, but it is possible. And now we understand how.

Perhaps my husband is right and I am obsessed with self-improvement and human behavior, but honestly – what could be more interesting than figuring out why we are the way we are? And what if, by learning about ourselves (and others), we can develop tools to live a really fantastic life?

Habits aren’t our destiny, but they also aren’t going to change themselves. Change can happen with effort and support. Alcoholics can stop drinking. Smokers can quit smoking. Nail biters can stop chewing their nails. Night owls can become early birds, and couch potatoes can develop fitness routines. It just takes awareness, intention, and the drive to change.

In other words, there’s hope for all of us who have ever felt stuck. Let’s have fun seeing what we can disrupt in ourselves.

Kaizen

A couple years ago a precious little book called The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer, Ph.D. found it’s way into my hands. A client had read the book years ago and decided to revisit it when she began her health coaching program. One day she brought it to our session together and offered to loan it to me.

 

I’m so glad she did. I loved it.

 

Kaizen: The definition of this Japanese word can be summed up with the well-known saying by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.”

 

In other words, kaizen is about taking small steps for continual improvement.

 

Kaizen is relevant to anyone wanting to change something in his or her life, whether that change involves one’s health, relationships, attitude, or skills, to name a few. Unlike dramatic change, which involves taking a jumbo leap to achieve massive results quickly, kaizen is a warm, generous, and subtle approach to change, giving the change-maker permission to take steps so small that, frankly, there are times we feel we are doing nothing at all. The funny thing is, according to Maurer, our chances of success are greatest when the steps are smallest.

 

In order for this to make sense, he spends a significant amount of time explaining the brain and our body’s fight-or-flight response. A quick recap of the fascinating science he presents goes like this: all change, even positive changes, are scary. The fear of change is rooted in the brain’s physiology, and this is why most people fail when they strive for goals that are too radical. We heighten the brain’s fear response, triggering a structure in the midbrain called the amygdala, which is responsible for controlling the fight-or-flight response. You likely already know that the fight-or-flight response is a life-saving response that shuts down rational thinking (among other functions) and sends the body directly into action. Make no mistake, the fight-or-flight response has immense value, but it can also be troublesome, setting off alarm bells unnecessarily when we want to depart from our usual, safe routines. This can prevent creativity, change, and success from unfolding, making us feel stuck and weak.

 

The stealth solutions of kaizen allow your brain to tiptoe past the alarm bells, wandering around the fear toward small, achievable goals. To be clear, when we refer to really small steps, we’re talking about steps that can feel trivial, like:

 

  • flossing a single tooth each night
  • marching in front of the TV for 30 second intervals during commercial breaks
  • thinking one positive thought about a challenging colleague each day
  • complimenting one’s spouse each week
  • cleaning one piece of paper off of a cluttered desk or one file out of an overflowing file cabinet
  • putting a new food on your grocery list

 

He even gives the example of a patient who’s kaizen step involved simply standing on a treadmill everyday for several weeks without even turning the treadmill on! This was the most helpful kaizen step she could take toward regular exercise. I can relate to this. As somebody who still floats in and out of exercising consistently, there are certainly days when I count just getting down onto my yoga mat a success.

 

When we’re making change happen at a level this subtle, we’re flying below our brain’s fight-or-flight radar. Alarm bells in the amygdala stay quiet, and the process of change can snowball, however slowly it’s meant to grow. New neural pathways are built in the brain from doing activities slightly differently, and our mind quietly develop a desire for this new behavior, whether it’s regular exercise, a new way of eating, or spending time with a more loving group of friends.

 

Maurer includes a powerful quote from John Wooden, a successful college basketball coach, “When you improve a little each day, eventually big things occur. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but eventually a big gain is made. Don’t look for the big, quick improvement. Seek the small improvement one day at a time. That’s the only way it happens – and when it happens, it lasts.”

 

Small steps build lasting change. I learned the same approach in nutrition school, except we used the analogy that building health is like climbing a ladder. If you are committed to climbing the ladder one rung at a time, you will eventually and undoubtedly reach the top. If you try to take too many rungs at once, it is almost certain you will slip and fall. When the change is too big to sustain, even people with admirable levels of discipline and willpower lose enthusiasm, peter out, and “fail.” This failure can be devastating, and the motivation to begin again is lost.

 

I realize many of the changes I ask people to make over time are huge, life-altering moves that are often neither easy nor convenient at first. For instance, when I educate my clients about the value (or necessity, in many cases) of going gluten-free, I understand this is going to change not only what they prepare and eat at home but also what they can eat at restaurants and parties and how friendships may change. This is scary and overwhelming, and it’s almost certainly going to trigger that fear-happy amygdala. So it’s no wonder many clients will go gluten-free for a week, or even a month, and then resort to old patterns and ways of eating. Frankly, it might be inevitable. So what could we do differently, knowing what we now know about kaizen?

 

First of all, be compassionate with yourself. Pick up the book and learn about the brain so you can recognize what’s at play in that noodle of yours. Then rather than beating yourself up next time a “slip” happens, you’ll be able to recognize your fight-or-flight response kicking in. Your next step involves figuring out a teeny, tiny action you can take to tiptoe past that fear response. Small, valuable successes happen this way frequently. A client whom I feel could benefit from homemade chicken broth buys the whole chicken, sticks it in her freezer, then waits a month to prepare the broth. Somebody needs to start moving his body, so he begins by simply buying new shoes. Perfect. Nobody said the changes had to happen overnight.

 

As encouragement, Maurer offers this reminder, “While the steps may be small, what we’re reaching for is not. To commit your life to honoring and maintaining your physical health; to the passion, the risk, and the excellence of a demanding career; to the pursuit of a rewarding relationship with another human being; or the continual upward revision of your personal standards, is to strive for powerful goals, often elusive and at times frightening. But for now, all you need to do is take one small step.”

Let Today Be New – How to Seamlessly Build New Habits

Last week I posted a beautiful image and invitation on my Facebook page from an artist who sends out a simple, reflective message or affirmation each week. Her business is called The Studio Project, and this one said:

“Let today be new.”

 

While I usually like her messages, I was especially smitten by this one – how friendly, open, and optimistic it feels: Let today be new.

Some of you might read that statement and think, “Duh. That’s obvious. Every day IS new.”

 

And that’s true. Every day is its very own blank slate, and many of us probably feel (or perhaps the more accurate word is “assume?”) that we treat each day like the opportunity it is. But is that really true?

 

The person you are today is the sum total of your life experiences, traumas, relationships, stories, and beliefs about yourself and your capabilities, and this sum total can prove to be a major roadblock to truly letting each day be new (unless we have a whole lot of awareness). We’ve all experienced this phenomenon; even when we desperately want to veer off the beaten path and make a change, familiar patterns and habits we’ve built up over a lifetime magically show up and thwart our efforts to do things differently. It can be maddening.

 

It’s hard to believe we’re creeping into the end of January already. Many of us might be taking stock of how we did on any promises or intentions to “turn over a new leaf” come January 1. I’ve noticed that the practice of making formal New Year’s Resolutions has faded a bit in recent years, and I think that’s a good thing. Old school resolutions usually required us to set our sights crazy high and reinvent ourselves in ways that were drastic. This approach sets most people up for failure and then swimming in the guilt of having failed again. That’s when that familiar creepy voice settles in and taunts us with nasty story lines like, “See? Who do you think you are for trying that? You knew you wouldn’t be able to pull it off, didn’t you?” Yeah, that isn’t very helpful.

 

Making change happen can be tricky business, and since I’m in the business of helping my clients (and myself!) make changes in their lives, it’s a topic that fascinates me.

 

A few years ago I wrote an article about the principle of Kaizen after reading a book by that title that a client so generously gave me. I think it’s worth posting bits of it here again since we’re talking about habits.

 

Kaizen: The definition of this Japanese word can be summed up with the well-known saying by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.”

 

In other words, kaizen is about taking small steps for continual improvement.

 

Kaizen is relevant to anyone wanting to change something in his or her life, whether that change involves one’s health, relationships, attitude, or skills. Unlike dramatic change, which involves taking a jumbo leap to achieve massive results quickly, kaizen is a warm, generous, and subtle approach to change, giving the change-maker permission to take steps so small that, frankly, there are times we feel we are doing nothing at all.

 

It turns out that our chances of success are greatest when the steps are smallest.

 

In order for this to make sense, the author of Kaizen spends a significant amount of time explaining the brain and our body’s fight-or-flight response. A quick recap of the fascinating science he presents goes like this: all change – even positive change – is scary at some level. The fear of change is rooted in the brain’s physiology, and this is why most people fail when they strive for goals that are too radical. We heighten the brain’s fear response, triggering a primitive part of the brain called the amygdala, which is responsible for controlling the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight response is a life-saving response that shuts down rational thinking (among other functions) and sends the body directly into action. Make no mistake, the fight-or-flight response has immense value, but it can also be troublesome, setting off alarm bells unnecessarily when we want to depart from our usual, safe routines. This can prevent creativity, change, and success from unfolding, making us feel stuck and weak.

 

The stealth solutions of kaizen allow your brain to tiptoe past the alarm bells, wandering around the fear toward small, achievable goals. To be clear, when we refer to really small steps, we’re talking about steps that can feel trivial, like:

 

  • flossing a single tooth each night
  • putting a single new food on your grocery list each week
  • going to bed 5 minutes earlier than the night before
  • marching in front of the TV for 30 second intervals during commercial breaks
  • complimenting one’s spouse each week
  • cleaning one piece of paper off of a cluttered desk or one file out of an overflowing file cabinet

 

These are all examples of small steps that will add up to continual improvement. Make no mistake about it, all of these steps add up.

 

Just think: if you put a single new food on your grocery list each week, at the end of the year you will have tried 52 new foods.

 

If you worked out only 15 minutes a day, at the end of the month you’ll have spent 7 hours moving your body. That’s significant!

 

If you usually drink 3 cups of coffee (or soda, or booze) a day and you cut back to 2, that’s 365 fewer drinks you will have consumed by the end of the year. Wow.

 

Since my very first day as a health coach I’ve been encouraging my clients to embrace the philosophy, “Small steps build lasting change,” though back then I didn’t fully understand the science behind the brain’s fear of change. I learned this approach in nutrition school. We used the analogy that building health is like climbing a ladder. If you are committed to climbing the ladder one rung at a time, you will steadily make progress. If you try skipping rungs or taking too many at once, there’s a greater likelihood you will slip and fall. When the change is too big to sustain, even people with admirable levels of discipline and willpower lose enthusiasm, peter out, and “fail.” This failure can be devastating, and the motivation to begin again is lost.

 

Which brings to mind another powerful statement from an expert in change-making:

 

“Habit formation hinges on your ability to bounce back.” – James Clear

 

In other words, it’s not missing a single workout that screws up your goals, it’s never getting back on track.

 

So here are my three quick tips for building habits that last:

 

  1. Start with steps as small as you need them to be, knowing small steps have a cumulative impact.
  2. Schedule habits into your life; don’t wait for them to magically happen.
  3. Shift your focus from what you feel is hard to what is possible. I heard someone say once that his/her go-to mantra is, “I can work with this.” This stuck with me. You might also try framing it as a question, “How can I work with this?” to get your creative juices flowing and create an attitude of openness and receptivity.

 

Good habits are built gradually. Start slow; get better along the way. Progress is a spectrum, so let yourself dance along that spectrum at your own pace. Let today be new.

 

In love & service,

Claudine

 

P.S. This accompanying image of a sunrise is from a lovely trip to the Outer Banks in September 2016 with my family.